Pocketfulofsunshine’s Weblog

Not much is going on. I leave for San Diego in 22 days. I’m very excited to get out of Vegas for 4 whole days. I’ve also had a great weight lifted off my shoulders. I won’t get into the dirty details of what happened here, but I will say that I’ve eliminated someone completely toxic from my life and it feels amazing.

But moving on…

I’m getting over a flu thing, which I managed to give to my father. 

Moving on again…

Here’s some inspirational coolness I’ve found on the www lately:

One Good Bumblebee - there is some seriously cute stuff here. A few things I love: Lil’ Red Coat and The Rainbow. Little Owl Keychain. Greater Things To Come. Fun On The Go Journal.

Ok, so I just have one for you today, but there will be more to come.

Sometimes:

I just want to run as fast and as far as I can go.

I wish I had never left Tahoe.

I wish I had never gotten involved with Mark again.

I wish I wasn’t so damn scared.

I wish I still lived near my friends.

I wish I hadn’t let some friendships go.

I wish I wasn’t so confused about what I am supposed to be doing.

I wish I had picked a different profession, other than teaching.

I think that I am a failure as a teacher.

I feel totally alone.

I wish I wasn’t so dependent on other people.

I wish I was more patient, more understanding, more of what everyone else is.

I wish I believed in myself more.

I wish, just once, I could find something that I seriously kick ass at and run with it.

1. Jamie, you were right about him.

2. Anyone who is reading this must go see Juno. It was so cute and so well-written.

3. You must also see Across the Universe. It’s a beautiful film.

4. In just over a month, I’ll be on a plane to San Diego. I am SO excited to get a break from work and life. It will be nice to take a vacation that doesn’t have me running from meal to meal and friend to friend. Not that I don’t love seeing my friends, but it will be nice to do some sightseeing and take pictures in a new environment.

That’s all for now. Tomorrow it’s off to the movies with Nicole and her mom. Also, I have some fun, inspirational stuff to share, but I’ll do that later this week!

Hope everyone has a love-filled day! I know I will!

So, here we go. A little brutal honesty to help start your day. And I know I said there wasn’t going to be any negativity on this blog, but I just have to get this out.

1. I hate living at home. Just so you know, the words hurt way more than the inaction and lack of interest in my life.

2. I really wish I could just end it with a certain so-called friend of mine. It has become clear to me that she only knows how to be a friend to certain people and I am not one of those people. And no, it’s not Jamie or Roxanne or anyone else that I’m even remotely close to. It’s someone from my distant past that I let in and now I’m sorry I did. I don’t even know if she’ll read this and realize that I’m talking about her, but if she does, it’s over. I’m done playing games. I’ve talked to your boyfriend more than I’ve talked to you in the last month, and that stinks, considering I’ve never even met the guy. He’s a nice guy, and gave me some helpful tips for my photography, but seriously…

3. Moving terrifies me. I want to do it. I need to do it. But frankly, it scares the living daylights out of me. Every time my mother tells me I can’t handle it or I’m not capable, I start to believe that a little more, which leaves me cowering the corner. I don’t want my life to be that way anymore, which is why, despite the fact that potentially moving scares so much, I still have to do it, should the opportunity arise.

4. It’s not all about you. It is not my fault you don’t have friends. It is not my fault you live in a place where you aren’t happy. I can’t fix your life. Only you can do that. I’m busy fixing my own life right now.

5. I’m falling hard for a guy that my friends don’t like. I’m not sure what to do about that one.

6. I’m cold. I’ve been cold since Thanksgiving and it doesn’t show any sign of warming up anytime soon.

7. Kids who don’t nap are annoying. TAKE A FREAKIN’ NAP! Seriously. You’ll miss it next year, when you don’t get a rest period in your six hour day.

That is all. Thanks for listening (and reading).

At the moment I am obsessed with the song “New Soul” by Yael Naim. This particular video is especially evocative of starting over and really speaks to me, since I am on the brink of starting over myself. I can feel that there are lots of good things on the horizon.

Work has been good. We have some seminars coming up so that we can continuing education credits and I’m looking forward to them because I think I will get some good insight into working with preschool kids. It’s been a struggle for me to really be a good assistant, because I know so little about what preschool kids need, especially four year olds.

No word on the job hunt yet. I’ve heard from two places that they have received my application materials and will be contacting me shortly if they are interested in conducting an interview. I have to let my current boss know by February 11th what my plans for the upcoming school year are and honestly, I’m not entirely certain what to tell her. I want to stay on there, if I don’t get offered another job (and as usual, my doubting thomas mother is certain I am not going to find a new job). I’m just struggling with how to approach it without making it sound like I’m quitting right now, because I obviously want to finish out the school year with my kids.

I did my first photo shoot with people this week. We did Valentine’s Day shots with the kids in my class at work. It was a lot of fun and gave me some good practice on actual people, which is definitely my weakness when it comes to photography.  I wish I could share some of the results here, but I don’t particularly want to put my kids on a public forum like this.

Not much else is going on. I’m going to San Diego in March for spring break and I can’t wait. I am so ready for a vacation.

Beyond that, all is quiet. I’m just grooving along with work and waiting to hear about jobs.